I didn't say it and yes I meant it
by entwinedloop
Summary: They may not be spelling it out for each other, but they don't need to.


She nearly jumped when she saw him, glad she wasn't holding something fragile in her hands. That had happened before. It was probably a useful trait that Rio's footsteps made no sound when it came to his work. A reminder as well. If he was inside without knocking it meant she didn't lock her door.

"What happened, kids took some of your furniture to summer camp?" He asked, taking the comfortable, confident stance he took to easily. He looked around her kitchen and towards the dining room.

"I'm redecorating." Beth brought her coffee mug to her lips, surprised at the small talk.

He met her eyes and she didn't elaborate. What was she going to say, that Dean had officially moved out, borrowing, he said, a few pieces of furniture with him until he settled down? She actually preferred to replace some old memories with a new couch, new table stands.

"I got another delivery for you. I got my boys working on somethin'. It's coming tomorrow." He said. Her personal business was hers but she hid something that he wouldn't mind tapping more into. That she didn't want to tell him intrigued him more.

"OK." She nodded and put the mug aside and leaned on the kitchen island counter, clasping her hands. "We're still ready to get back to washing." She reminded him.

He pulled something from his pocket, not meeting her eyes.

"Wanna piece of gum?" He popped a yellow strip that quickly got lost in his mouth.

It struck her as odd, Rio chewing gum. Maybe because she had never seen him do that. He didn't move his mouth much. Not for words and lately barely to stretch his lips out for a smile.

"Sure." She didn't particularly want it but she'd accept what he offered. They came to a kind of truce the weeks after she lowered her gun from his face. A detente not made with a lot of words which again, with Rio wasn't unusual. He didn't even want to hear her apology.

It took some time for her and her friends to get back in business with him. Several unpaid small jobs and less questions on her end than usual. Curt words from Rio assured her that this was the final round. He must've lost some of his team members, she figured, and needed extra hands. Suburban housewives would bring in less attention. He was a business man and wouldn't do her favors, regardless of what he had told her in the parking lot. She still needed the money, as did Annie and Ruby. Somehow needed it more than before they had started. Expenses for her family didn't slow down. Ruby's daughter's condition continued to call for more funds. The three friends banded together to help. Being promoted to paid deliveries wasn't cutting it.

He looked in his pocket and crumpled the wrapper in his hand. "I got the last one." He gave her a look that was nearly sheepish. She almost brought her hand to his, an instinct from when her younger kids were done with their candy. Rio threw it in the the trash. "Sure you got some gum with all these kids up in here."

She was vetoing it around the house for time being, not after it got in the carpet three times in one week. Until one of her children would guilt her into it. She gave in to more than she otherwise would these days.

"I told you," he said when she she didn't speak. "You wanna be back with that, give me the name of your rotten egg." He shook his head once.

"Are we still on this? She's not in the picture anymore."

He smiled. "You think I don't hear things? I got eyes everywhere. It's not just gonna be a problem for you. It's gonna be my problem. You don't want that."

"Changed your mind about snitches?" She put her hand on her hip, noticing his gaze following her hand. She was thankful a kitchen island separated them.

"You wanna talk about snitches now." Rio nodded his head and leaned his elbows on the counter. How she'd gotten under his skin, he didn't know. "But this is different, right, cause it's not like you snitched to save your own ass."

They had talked about this. Actually exchanged a few words about communicating too, about talking directly. It was around the time Beth was trying to make amends after selling him out. If threats were going to be thrown around, she told him, she wanted to be sure she understood. She wanted to know if something was wrong. It was ludicrous, but she did it to set boundaries.

He didn't show up at either of the other two's living rooms, she knew. But she was the one who had spoken up to him most often, who met with him for business meetings, who offered to wash more money. He probably saw her, correctly, as the one who decided to leave the envelope in the safe.

"If it was a problem, it won't get to a place that needs your intervention." She pointed at herself. "I have this under control."

"I don't like disruptions." He said, and as if hearing her earlier thoughts he stood up, making his way around the kitchen counter. Beth fought an urge to flee. Not even when he was angry at her she didn't feel like he wanted to get as close to her as he could. Even if he did it just with his eyes.

"You still want a piece of gum?" He asked.

"No."

"Why you looking at my mouth then?"

"Cause you're mumbling. I'm trying to understand what you're saying."

It was so bizarre he was chewing gum, she didn't know why she got stuck on that. He came closer. She could've taken a few steps backwards but she didn't want to. She didn't want to tell herself later that he forced her to do something she wanted. To be near him herself.

Maybe if she'd have it out with him once, she thought fleetingly, maybe she could put it behind her. Then his eyes would stop wandering back to her when they stood in a group when she wasn't talking.

"It's still your name you're giving me?" He put his hands on her shoulders and she quickly pushed them off her. This he didn't do. Didn't threaten her with direct physical touch. Like guns were different, she thought.

"Only my name." She straightened her back.

"I can trust you with this?"

She could pull her hair with how many times he's asked her about this but she kept her voice even. "As much as I trust you."

He nodded and brought his face closer to hers, painfully slowly, as if gauging her response. He was moving so slowly and with an exhale her eyes washed his face, and she pushed her lips to his. Her stomach, which buzzed before, nearly blew her heart out of place. His mustache scraped her skin and her hands went up his arms. He muttered something she didn't understand and his hands pulled at her waist and moved up.

She stepped back and disengaged from him. His eyes were still on her mouth before rising to her eyes. He looked at her with curiosity. She felt something between her teeth and her eyes widened at him.

"You wanted gum earlier." He smiled. "I let you borrow some."

"I didn't need it used." She said, feeling it under the roof of her mouth, annoyed at his teasing, and he laughed. She softened at the warmth of it. His face turned serious and she knew what he was waiting for. He hadn't closed the gap she put between them but he barely took a step back. He stood too close. She didn't move.

"It's not going to be a problem for you." She lifted her hand and met his eyes.

"Promise me that sweetheart?" He asked. She didn't like him calling her that now, like giving weight to other times he called her by pet names.

"Yes."

His face loosened a little like he didn't expect that response. "Even if it means that you're not gonna go back to your old gig?"

This wasn't the way she was going to get there, but she couldn't deny that it wasn't tempting. She empathized with a plight of another mom and one who was doing it on her own no. But the arrogance that came with Mary Pat gnawed at her.

"I know that you lost workers. I have eyes too." She tried a different method. "Money we're not making is money you lose."

Each time she moved her mouth to chew the gum she saw his eyes go back to her lips. He licked his own now.

"You burned me once. You wanna go back to how it was before, you gotta earn it." He narrowed his eyes.

"Shame to waste motivated workers. Especially when they outsell your expectations."

He glanced away for a moment. "You could do something else."

"We're not dealing drugs." She said. Her answer didn't change from the last time they talked about this. "You do something well, you build on that."

"Delivery's tomorrow." He said again. "Dags gonna drop it. I'm outta town this weekend. Stay out of trouble, yeah?" His expression was gentler in his final words but almost inscrutably so. She wouldn't have noticed it if she had known him less well.

He started walking away and she raised her face to the ceiling and shook her head. She felt so desperate it was like she was inches away from begging. But that was not her go to and she didn't think it would work. She sucked on the gum, stretching it with her tongue. She pushed the yearning away.

"Have a great trip." She muttered dryly, her mind half gone to what she needed to get done today.

"Oh, I forgot," He said and turned to face her, putting a thumb on his chin, drawing closer to her body much too quickly. "Can I have it back?"

With his eyes on her mouth she guessed what he wanted but she could still not avoid her heart jumping a few beats. Fight me for it, she wanted to say, but instead responded silently, pushing the gum with her tongue to the front of her mouth and reluctantly brought her fingers to her lips.

Rio shook his head, underlying it with a "no" with his index finger, grabbed her hand and moved it to her side, his mouth finding hers quietly. He pushed the gum back in her mouth and then his tongue was everywhere, chasing after hers, after her lips, before finally settling on finding what he said he wanted.

So this would have to be the last one she thought as she met his lips. She could enjoy it, she told herself. He held her hip to him with one hand, the other caressing her hand. She let herself get lost, release urges she'd held, what she'd ignored, and put it to work with her mouth. This would have to be the last one, she thought again as she pushed his hoodie off his head, scratching her nails through his hair and he sucked on her upper lip and she wondered if he was as lost in the kiss as she was, if he even felt her fingers on his scalp. She pulled on his jacket and he followed her, then pushed her against the kitchen counter. Her mouth was empty and his lips were on her neck, tasting her, moving lower on her skin.

He broke the kiss, lifting his head from hers and there was something different in his face. Like something happened that he didn't expect. She felt her face draw back to his and saw him do the same, before they both pulled back. He said nothing and turned his back to her, throwing "Tell me if you change your mind, yeah?" giving her a last glance and the chasm that opened in her stomach didn't close when she heard the door click.

She closed her eyes. She wasn't in high school and this wasn't a good idea. It wasn't safe. She licked her lips, still tasting the gum's plumb flavor. It tasted familiar. She grabbed at her mug, downing her coffee to wash it away. He actually stood in her kitchen and talked to her about going back to the way things were. They wouldn't, something told her, but she'd choose denial for the time being. She needed to keep her head on making money.

Too bad she couldn't go to a competitor, she laughed, thinking that may be what she'd do if this was a legitimate business. Take her skills elsewhere. Have better luck with a new boss. She glanced at the trash can. He had left the wrapper in there. She rubbed her forehead. She needed help. She placed her mug in the dishwasher and walked out of the kitchen, phone in her hand, texting Annie and Ruby. They needed to do some brainstorming. She had some errands to get started on soon.

Rio walked down the path from her house. He had business to take care of otherwise he may have stayed, may have tried to push it a little more. He wasn't alone in this and he felt relief in that. As utterly stupid as his actions were. Couldn't blame him. Even when he backed her up she stood in place. She told him – him – not to pull a gun at her again. The way she pushed back. He kissed her and she wasn't rattled, kept on talking about business. The way she turned her neck when he kissed it, the silent encouragement, it took everything he had not to lose it. He was drawn to her and it wasn't new. She was beautiful. Just something that couldn't happen again. If he had an excuse he could take her with him and that he even had the thought bugged him. He got in his car.

Hours and multiple business and personal meetings later, long after its sweet flavor was gone, replaced with bland taste of wet rubber, he kept chewing on the gum in his mouth.


End file.
